Why You're Not Living The Life You Want

Stuck in a rut? Here's why you're not living the life you want and how to finally break free from your comfort zone.

So, here you are, living someone else's dream. Except it's not your dream. It’s more like a poorly written sitcom.

Why are you not living the life you want? Spoiler alert: it's not because Mercury is in retrograde or because you never had that cool glow-in-the-dark bedroom as a kid. The truth stings a bit - it’s probably you.

You Haven't Made Decisions, You've Just... Drifted

Most adults end up somewhere they never wanted to be simply because they let life carry them there.

Imagine boarding a bus with no destination in mind and ending up in a town called "Unfulfilled." Sound familiar? Yeah, thought so.

Many of us drift through life without making active decisions. We follow paths laid out for us by parents, teachers, or societal expectations without ever stopping to ask if those paths lead to where we want to go.

The result? You end up in a life that doesn’t feel like it’s yours. Drifting is easy. It doesn’t require much courage, but it also doesn’t lead to fulfillment.

Take a moment and consider: when was the last time you made a real decision about your life? Not the “chicken or fish for dinner” kind, but something that involved risk, challenge, and taking ownership.

If you can't remember, that's probably why you're here.

How to Stop Drifting and Start Living With Purpose

First, stop making excuses. No, it's not the economy, your boss, or the neighbor’s loud dog that’s keeping you stuck. It’s your unwillingness to take control. To stop drifting, you need to start making conscious decisions.

Identify Your Values: What’s important to you? Freedom? Security? Creativity? When you understand your core values, you can start aligning your life with them.

Set Realistic Goals: Start small. Instead of thinking about buying a yacht, focus on learning to sail. Setting attainable goals keeps you motivated and builds momentum.

Create Boundaries: Learn to say no. When you say yes to everything, you end up saying no to yourself. Boundaries create the time and space needed to pursue your dreams.

Fear Keeps You Company

Stuck at a job you hate or in a relationship that feels like lukewarm porridge? Fear is behind it. Comfort zones are comfy, but they’re not luxurious.

They’re like that old worn-out couch you refuse to replace. Sure, it’s comfortable, but it’s also keeping you from sitting in something better - why does that sound dirty when I read it out loud?

Fear has a sneaky way of convincing us that staying where we are is safer than reaching for something new. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of success even.

They all act as anchors, keeping you docked in a harbor you don’t even like. Your dreams are out there on the open sea, but you’re still tied up, too afraid to set sail.

Here’s a hard truth: growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. If you want a life that excites you, it’s going to involve stepping into fear, discomfort, and uncertainty.

You’ll have to be willing to take risks, to fail, and to learn from those failures.

Practical Steps to Overcome Fear

Face Your Fears Head-On: Write down what you’re afraid of. Seeing it on paper helps make it tangible and less intimidating.

Visualize Success: Close your eyes and imagine what success would look like if fear didn’t hold you back. Visualization can help reduce anxiety and create a positive outcome.

Take Incremental Steps: If fear of public speaking is holding you back, start by speaking up in small group settings. Gradual exposure will help you build confidence.

You’re Listening to the Wrong Voices

We’re bombarded by voices telling us what we should want. Society, family, friends, social media. They all have opinions on how you should be living your life.

The problem is that when you listen too much to others, you lose touch with your own inner voice. You become like an actor following someone else’s script rather than writing your own story.

Take a look at your life and ask yourself: how much of it is yours? How much of it is influenced by what others told you would make you happy?

Did you go into a particular career because it’s what your parents wanted? Are you staying in a relationship because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do?

Learning to tune out the noise and reconnect with what you truly want is essential to creating a life that feels authentic.

Start practicing listening to yourself. Spend time alone, journal, meditate, and ask yourself the tough questions. What do you really want? Not what would impress others, but what would make your heart sing?

How to Find Your True Voice

Limit Social Media: Social media often amplifies societal expectations. Take a break and see how you feel when you’re not comparing yourself to others.

Practice Self-Reflection: Spend 15 minutes a day reflecting on your choices. Ask yourself if they’re genuinely in line with what you want.

Seek Guidance from Within: Meditate or engage in mindfulness practices. It helps quiet external noise and allows you to tune into what truly matters.

You Avoid Discomfort at All Costs

Humans are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. It’s a survival mechanism that’s great when you’re trying to avoid being eaten by a bear, but not so great when it comes to pursuing your dreams.

The life you want is on the other side of discomfort. There’s no shortcut around it.

Maybe you’re avoiding having that difficult conversation with your partner. Maybe you’re avoiding applying for a new job because you’re afraid of rejection.

Whatever it is, your avoidance is keeping you stuck. Growth is uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable.

But staying stuck in a life you don’t want? That’s the most uncomfortable of all, even if you’ve convinced yourself otherwise.

Start getting comfortable with discomfort. Take small steps every day that push you out of your comfort zone.

Have that tough conversation, take that risk, and lean into the discomfort. You’ll be surprised at how much strength you have when you start facing what you’re afraid of.

Embrace Discomfort with These Steps

Identify What You’re Avoiding: Make a list of the uncomfortable things you’re avoiding. Recognizing them is the first step to conquering them.

Reframe Discomfort as Growth: Instead of seeing discomfort as a negative, view it as a sign that you’re expanding your horizons.

Create Challenges for Yourself: Push your limits by setting challenges. For instance, if you’re shy, set a goal to talk to one new person each day.

You’re Not Clear on What You Want

One of the biggest reasons people don’t live the life they want is because they have no idea what that life even looks like.

Vague dreams like “I want to be happy” or “I want to be successful” are nice, but they’re not actionable. You need to get specific.

What does happiness look like for you? Think about the kind of job that would make you excited to get out of bed in the morning. What kind of relationships do you want to have?

Without a clear vision, you’ll end up wandering aimlessly, always feeling like something is missing but never quite knowing what.

Take time to create a vision for your life. Imagine your perfect day from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? Write it down. Be as detailed as possible. Clarity is power, and when you know what you want, you can start taking steps to get there.

How to Gain Clarity on Your Vision

Create a Vision Board: Put together images that represent your ideal life. This visual reminder will help keep you focused on your goals.

Journal Daily: Spend time each day writing about what you want in life. Writing helps you clarify your thoughts.

Break Down Your Vision: Once you have a clear vision, break it down into actionable steps. Knowing what to do next prevents overwhelm and keeps you moving forward.

You Don’t Believe You Deserve It

Deep down, many people don’t believe they deserve a life they love. Maybe it’s because of past failures, limiting beliefs, or negative self-talk.

Whatever the reason, if you don’t believe you deserve happiness, you’re not going to take the steps to get it.

Start working on your mindset. Challenge those limiting beliefs that tell you you’re not good enough. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you are worthy of living a fulfilling life.

If this feels like a struggle, it might be time to seek support. FYI, I know a great Life Coach who can help - you can't see me but I'm winking.

Change Your Beliefs About Worthiness

Affirmations: Create positive affirmations that challenge your limiting beliefs. Repeat them daily to rewire your thinking.

Surround Yourself with Positivity: Spend time with people who uplift and inspire you. The company you keep can help shift your mindset.

Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate even small achievements. It builds self-worth and confidence in your ability to succeed.

You’re Not Taking Action

Dreaming is easy. Doing is hard. Many people are stuck in the “thinking about it” stage, constantly planning, researching, and waiting for the “right” moment.

The right moment doesn’t exist. Action is what creates change, not endless thinking. That's why you're not living the life you want.

If you want to live a different life, you need to start taking action today. It doesn’t have to be a massive leap. Start with one small step in the direction of your dreams.

Action builds momentum, and momentum is what will carry you forward.

Practical Ways to Start Taking Action

Start Small: Don’t aim to change everything at once. Choose one area of your life and take a small step forward.

Create Accountability: Tell someone about your goals. Having someone check in on your progress will motivate you to keep going.

Plan and Schedule: Put your actions on a calendar. When your goals have a time and date, you’re more likely to follow through.

Something To Think About

Think about where you actually want to be. What would your life look like if you were living it on your terms? It’s time to be real, brave, and maybe even reach out to that Life Coach who writes amazing blog posts.

You can keep drifting, or you can plan to get to your dream life. Your choice.

Here’s some food for thought: what’s one thing you can do today that your future self will thank you for? It doesn’t have to be huge, just one small step. You don’t have to have it all figured out, you just need to start.

The life you want is out there waiting for you. The question is, are you ready to go after it?

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